Ever feel just one brick shy of a castle? And that LAST brick is a mother.
Just to ask, would you imagine that there are a higher percentage of gay men in BUTTE, MONTANA?
Some of our oldest and truest parables survive as dirty jokes. Most jokes are condensed wisdom in ironic form. Which jokes survive are determined by how much they teach in the most basic, useful way. We take in wisdom deeper when we laugh at it, not just with it. We undervalue our comedians, they are the few willing to confront the truth, and laugh in it's compromised face.
As fucked up and flawed as she is, SARAH SILVERMAN is a Goddess for exactly the same reason. People are really only screwed up because we say they are. The foolish buy into it. But the smart make us pay for the assumption.
Charm is a great gift for a man to have. But the most useful gift to a man's living is a nose for bullshit.
We have said this before, it bears repeating again. A marriage CAN SURVIVE many arguments. It cannot survive as many disagreements.
Yes, Virginia, you CAN be proud of your race, the role you were assigned in the game, without being a racist. I know that the PC brigade says otherwise, but the PC brigade are mostly unthinking cowards who feel much safer in slow moving groups. You should not worry about others who expect us all to apologize about the way and how we come. It seems important to honour ALL THAT YOU ARE. To apologize for it, weakens and spoils it.
Eat life well, and remember, if you ain't sucking your teeth afterwards, then you ain't satisfied. What IS the meaning of life? GETTING YOUR SATISFACTION (unless you are among those who believe that it has to be more complicated than that).
We would love to see his country honour master BILL WITHERS. And with more than just bad royalty statements, which are far too easy to manipulate, and even more tempting. This man's songs lifted an entire community and a nation along with it.
White America is its pure heart. Black America is its soul and the battle for that soul rages on...... while its broken heart is being manipulated by those who wish to bleed and contain it.
Truth be told, governments are not ALWAYS looking to take out the most dangerous gangsters, but the more INCOMPETENT ones. And those least useful to any ancillary efforts.
The NEXT Secretary of State for the United States of America (whoever is in office), should be master WILLIE NELSON. He might also be considered for Secretary of Trade........
Has no one thought to approach RUFUS WAINWRIGHT and CHAKA KHAN? Or is that too obvious?
Sign up now for the first inaugural POLEMIC OLYMPICS! It is really important that you get out and participate, don't get me started!!!!
Searle Pharmaceuticals and JAMES CAMERON present: AVATAR- THE PILL! Ask your doctor if you qualify today!
If it is true that PENIS ENLARGEMENTS are covered under OBAMACARE, then we now know what President Obama's lasting legacy will be. Years from now, as he walks through parking lots and golf courses, many old dudes will be reaching out to him, with a twinkle in their eye, and saying, “Thanks Bro, because of you, now I'm really hanging!” To which a retired and less monitored President might say, 'It's alright Bubba, I came to help free your Johnson'. Of course, his more messianic response might be, 'I CAME THAT YOUR JOHNSON MIGHT HAVE LIFE, and have it more abundantly'.
What a wonderful spiritual legacy to leave to American manhood, THAT OUT LEADER LENGHTENED US! Has Sarkozy done that for French manhood, for his citizenry? I didn't think so.
There will now be quite a few late night prowlers of a certain age, snatching up what of the womenfolk need strong attentions and reassurance of our masculine American way. Perhaps a firm hand on quivering buttocks. All hail the rise of the OBAMA GENERATION (who now call themselves, THE HARD CORPS).
With this in mind, we shall see whether the President makes the country stronger. We should hope. But hey, so far, he certainly has made the country LONGER. And that's a start, no? Think of the boost to the economy when waves upon waves of short changed foreign men pour across borders and airport equipment to get to our special prominent Penis surgeons, our specialist men and women, those masters who make measly membranes into massive members of more meat. Think Of the monies from Mexico and India alone! Great political, moneymaking idea! Although, for the sake of our American manhood, it might be better to catalogue these men, to make sure that they are kicked out of the country after their operations. We don't need all of that extra here. We can handle our own populations thank you very much. Come here, spend the money for the operation, take a few pictures, buy some stuff. Then, get back on the plane, the camel, the mule, your mother's back, and go back home to your own situation. And your much cheaper Viagra knock-offs. Frankly, we don't want too many big dick, cocky men around here. There are not enough jobs as it is.......
...on the other hand, we've got it all wrong. It isn't the poor immigrants who cause our nations the most damage. IT IS THE RICH ONES. It is foreign investment monies which, as much as anything, are corrupting us beyond recognition as anything but money collectors, which countries are now mostly anyway. Remember when it was CLEAR how we were different from the rest of the pack? Our immigrant debate refuses to discuss those immigrants who arrive to corrupt us and BUY themselves a piece of what the rest of us have to earn. More of our property and land mass is owned by foreign hands and banks than we are allowed to know. There are men who reach levels of wealth to match their evil intentions. Those who have never liked us, envy us and who wish to buy the American experience for themselves while stealing it out from under the next generation.
Sometimes, people pay MORE attention to you when you leave them alone. YES VIRGINIA, we are willing to sell our nation to foreigners, just not the poor ones.
The people most likely to bring lasting reform are those least interested in it. Leaders lead. Second guessers reform.
Trust this, if you dare. But appreciation for WHAT YOU HAVE NOW, will help to straighten out your affairs. Because it is a MAGIC FORMULA.
Don't waste time looking for love. Spend your time instead looking for advantage. If it is real, LOVE WILL FIND YOU. Otherwise, Love is a Game. And it will exhaust you.
A wise pig never haggles over the shape of its truffles. Shape is truffles' business. Finding them, is the pig's affair.
It is an especially tough economy going for more than you need. Going for more than you need can stop from gaining what is required. MORE COMES IN SEASONS OF MORE.
GREED has its place. Use it well. Greed goes too far if it has to step over grace to get to greed. Only we know what those graces are.
They are especially blessed whose VICES are within their budget!
Love would have us love ourselves for who we are, and not hold out until we become our opinion of WORTHY of love. Otherwise, we spend our whole lives playing games of truth or dare and usually rigging the results against ourselves. You are NOT OBLIGED TO LOVE ANYONE, including yourself. But including yourself adds a tremendous dimension to your personal experience of life. Love as many OR AS FEW others as you are inspired by, but LOVE them as they come. AS THEY ARE NOW. Or leave them the fuck alone. It is an easier way to live. It is not that you do not have the right to judge. Who needs a right? It is that our judgements matter more to us than they will ever matter to those we seek to control and manipulate with and through our judgments. Unless they fear us. And if they fear us, then let them, for as long as they are asleep and held captive by their own fear. Until they wake up and assume mastery and control of their own lives.
Me and my wife tried to adopt a black child, but were told unfortunately that neither of us had accumulated enough FILM CREDITS to be accepted. It seems that between the two of us, we fell one major film short of winning initial approval. It seems like we may need a better agent.............
I went to a second agency to adopt a black child but was told that I did not have the right profile for serious consideration. And unfortunately, I didn't have correct documentation to verify that I had in fact once met Sandra Bullock. They are so strict now on who can and cannot adopt a black african child, although I were told that black children from the Cleveland and Pittsburgh area were available even without film credits, but WHO WANTS AN AMERICAN BLACK CHILD? Right now, black African children are SO HOT, that if you adopt one, YOU GET A WHITE CHILD FOR FREE!
And we suppose that the reason you have not read either: AMERICAN SCREAM-THE BILL HICKS STORY (by Cynthia True) or THE LAST HERO, THE LIFE OF HENRY AARON (by Howard Bryant), is that you still haven't finished reading those last chapters of ANNA KARENINA or WAR AND PEACE. Or maybe you are still stuck on one of those How to Dominate Woman Instruction Manuals. OK, so once you are finished with your Betty Crocker Cookbook, or your How to Sleep on the Job without Getting Caught leaflets, check out one of these books!
Both American and British Arts and Letters would be considerably poorer without the contribution of master RY COODER. Who has dedicated the bulk of his life to discovering, uncovering, promoting and himself creating some of the world's most precious, vital and beloved music. Yes, I am a little prejudiced, he too is a 3/15 dog, like me, Mike Love of the Beach Boys, Sly Stone and most importantly, EVA LONGORIA. His integrity and values are quite inspirational and he is of the type of whom it can be fitfully said, has given a lot more to the world of music and science than it has ever given back, so far to him. At least in the 'outward' world. I am not privy to his inner life.
Arschlock Records recording artists, THE MINNESOTA VICODINS have cancelled their upcoming Summer tour. Lead singer ANNIE OXIDANT was quoted as confessing the need to check into rehab to get her life back together (and some new songs). No word on the tour's rescheduling. They were planning to promote their most recent top 5 album, 'STOP PLEADING, I'M BLEEDING'.
Here's a thought. The United Negro College Fund. Ripe for a name change? A makeover? Do I really want to support the higher education of more negroes? And can we successfully integrate these negroes into our current economy?
Doesn’t anybody want to love some hillbilly children? Where has the love gone?
I too am curious to see whether the rumours are true that SEARLE PHARMACEUTICAL are developing a pill which will allow white women to have black babies WITHOUT HAVING TO SLEEP WITH BLACK MEN, thus saving for some, the awkward social embarrassment! I would invest. Do you know how much money can be made in HOLLYWOOD alone? What is great about this is being able to improve your Q RATING with a black baby, while AVOIDING sullying your Q rating with being seen with their potential fathers.
The great PETE ROSE was banned from baseball due to alleged gambling connections and the league's fear of that connection rendering them less credible. YET, have you noticed the number of CASINO'S advertised on billboards on stadiums? Even the electronic ones not seen IN the ballpark are still a giant HUH? Do I inhale too quickly? Am I imagining that MR. BASEBALL, CHARLIE HUSTLE (yes, I am prejudiced, I IDOLIZED the great Reds Big Red Machine) crossed some line that the rest of baseball has not now caught up to? It is Ok to associate with gambling, but just NOT WITH GAMBLERS. That’s clear.
Musicians hear a language that only God understands.
..and of course very few reporters are brave enough to report on the DOWNSIDE of these adoptions. Not all go well. There have been rumours for years now of a band of discarded adopted African babies who live inside UNIVERSAL STUDIOS THEME PARK in Hollywood and control the parking concessions. And no one at all wants to talk about the 'urban legends' of THE WILD SURF AFRICANS OF MALIBU. The 'Nairobi Rubies'. Discarded runaway adopted African children, who found it easier adapting to hiding and living in the hills and coming onto the beaches at night to ride the wild surf, than they ever would to sitcoms.
There should be a website dedicated to showing how you would look next to your African infant of choice. The pictures would be able to age, so that after the initial black baby cuteness period wears off, you can see how they would look in A MUG SHOT. You can even download pictures of them in a police lineup. SWAP AND TRADE WITH FRIENDS!
“But Mama, why do I have to go? I like living here, can't I stay?” 'Mama is sorry, but it just hasn't worked out. Mama has been feeding your little nappy headed black ass for 4 years now and my Q rating hasn't budged an inch. You are really a good kid, honestly and I wish you all the best. I love you, I do, but you ain't helping me sell tickets a damn. Hell you might even be a jinx, you little bastard, and bless you but business is business.' “(sniffing back tears) Can I keep the film posters and gift baskets at least?” 'Well, alright, you can keep the film posters.'
Let us not forget what madame Hillary Clinton has already told us, IT TAKES A WHOLE INDUSTRY TOWN TO RAISE BUT ONE BLACK CHILD. Or something like that......
There is also little truth to verify the rather crass rumour that former President Bill Clinton and his Hillary are looking to adopt President Obama after his terms of office are up.
Look it up for yourself but the Q RATING is a tyrannical form of censorship whereby the people (the public) are used as an excuse and barometer to control the behaviour of its icons and image-mongers according to the constant monitoring of their opinions of them. This pretty much serves to paralyse them and disenfranchise them from sharing themselves, unless those opinions or ideas have been monitored and 'test marketed' first.
I will always prefer MY senses to CONSENSUS. Leadership leads by the MEASURE and not by the SCALE.
We are far more likely to be disturbed by the forces we command than we are by those which we do not.
Men are rarely persecuted for their language but for their wits.
I wish to give respects to the master KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR. I have been an LA LAKERS fan since LEW ALCINDOR changed his name and went from the Milwaukee Bucks to LA in 1972, the same year I became a Miami Dolphin idiot. Him and master ALI undertook to decry old identity politics and make for themselves, new titles for new minds becoming freer in their search for the more that they recognized themselves to be. It had a huge impact on my developmental youth. May his God bless and keep him. He remains one of my idols. Oh, and he also used to play running back for the Miami Dolphins. Talk about athletic versatility. LOOK IT UP! He mutated into a footballer! Number 33!
A great philosopher/poet once wrote and sang: THERE IS NO NEED IN TURNING BACK BECAUSE ALL ROADS LEAD TO WHERE WE STAND: DON McLEAN
In all fairness to Hollywood, something had to be done because how was SIR BOB GELDOF ever going to get any sleep what with all of those African runaways showing up at his house and asking for another benefit?
God adores a good woman, for even the almighty does not have to bear a fool, the way a good woman does.
If Our Angels and Heroes had no flaws, we would not look up to them. Nor would we scratch them to prove it.
THE PROBLEM THAT FISHERY'S ARE HAVING IS ECONOMY OF SCALE!
TIGER WOOD'S SCANDAL WAS A SET-UP AND PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE. Was he culpable? You bet. Athlete's in their prime tend towards being RANDY WARHOLS and the 'poon' WILL SHOW UP. HIS AGENCY has done him no favours at all since the death of his beloved father. Neither has his lack of discipline concerning these vulnerable matters. And that greatness which he is has to constantly stand alert for challenges which seek to weaken his just cause. There are those in power who FEAR MASTER WOOD'S POST GOLF AMBITIONS. Were I the master Woods, I would be grateful for the disappearance of all of those blood leeching suck-butt sponsors, free more of my Q rating to 'don't give a damn' levels and earn my permanent place in the firmament. He already ranks with sportsmen who changed the world at whatever cost to their own personal lives. At whatever sacrifice to their own personal discovery. We just love to make our hero's squirm. It is the people's favourite sport. We are not apologizing for him. We are simply stating that WHOLE DEPARTMENTS EXIST within cells of our government, mostly unknown to all but those WHO NEED TO KNOW, which works to destabilize those hero's who have become bigger than life and thus a possible threat to the bullshit. So, our heroes like to fuck. 'Wow' (and that's the good news). Naturally, as a married man, the context in which that desire is fed must undergo much in the way of consideration. And is an affair mapped out by only his Mrs. and himself. We feel that master Tiger's best way out of this quagmire is simple: HE MUST IMMEDIATELY ADOPT A BLACK AFRICAN CHILD. It is the only way of corporate and public salvation.
Gordon Brown, Your car is waiting outside....
I was against WAR. Until I became an investor. Now WAR LOOKS GOOD! War looks good on the balance sheets. I can always square my conscience later once I lull it to sleep with enough money!
YES, WE HAVE OPRAH BABIES!
There is no truth that NIKE plans to adopt enough African babies to begin shifting work to where they live........
Overheard at an 'after hours' type place. “No honey, this is 'smothering', you are looking for 'mothering' and that is in room 224.”
Earth has a frequency called THE SCHUMANN RESONANCE. Many who suffer 'tinnitus' are in tune with and can hear this Schumann tone. SCHUBERT must have been pretty pissed to not have frequencies named after him. It is one of the reasons I am mad at MY publisher...
The key to loving Italians is PROTECTIVE GEAR. It helps to have safety equipment.
I thank my good buddy NICK (the Sticks) TACCORI for turning me on to the great author DON WINSLOW. I was never much of a non-fiction reader at all until I were given Winslow's books as a present. Read CALIFORNIA FIRE AND LIFE. Also, THE WINTER OF FRANKIE MACHINE. Both of which we have read, with immense satisfaction. We also have his book, THE POWER OF THE DOG, which we have still to read. If you like this kind of great writing, DON WINSLOW is your mofo....
Remove your preconceived ideas, if you will and go to iTunes or whatever and listen at all costs to this particular recording, TAMMY WYNETTE- 'TIL I GET IT RIGHT. Thank me later.
When false of spirit, we harvest those dragons which hide in the recesses of our denial.
I believe that LITE beers are stepping stones to homosexuality and deviant behaviour. I drink nothing at all with the word LITE written anywhere near it. EXTRA is more likely to win my attentions. Anything with LITE is for men LITE in their loafers.... (and gentle in their sweet sensibilities, God bless them).
So far, so good, but once master STEVE JOBS figures out the sex toys market, we men may have to take him out. iCock? The iDildo? AND WITH ALL THE APPLE APPLICATIONS! Download the iFinger today!
A popular one for kids would be iFarted.
..and master JOBS would really be helping out married men with a device carrying all of the necessary excuses and apologies called: iSorry.
The truth of ATLANTIS is that it is simultaneous to us. It serves as a 'higher' dimensional overlay.
And just like that, out of the blue, TOM WAITS FOR NO ONE.
And how best to eat your words? With 'worst is here sauce'. Ouch!
Transformation isn't always about a change in anything but location. Simply by moving from inside the house, to back outside, DUST transforms back into EARTH. It is only considered 'dirt' when it is placed underneath the rug. A few more inches outside the door, then the same dirt is earth again. Transformation also includes the notion of overcoming delusion: That you are BRITISH so long as you are winning the race. Crash, and you are an IRISHMAN like a mofo........ Cinderella could tell you a little something about it.
And, just so that you know, THERE IS A CHIROPRACTOR IN PRACTICALLY EVER CORNER OF CAIRO!
Not all Wolves are given to lust after sheep. Some wolves there are to PROTECT them. Even a vegetarian family is blessed to have at least one butcher in the family looking out for them. Someone unafraid to assume blood on their hands, if necessary.
Time is a thief. Once, channel surfing, if porn were passed, one said, “Wait, go back, did you see the butt on that girl?” Then you watched blankly, as if pacified to sleep by hormones. Fast forward to THESE days. You are trying to get a 'sleep head' together before going to bed, and you are once again channel surfing. But you live in Italy, where porn too is popular, though not as popular as FOOD CHANNELS. Food channels are the new porn! With remote in hand, I pass a channel and say to myself, “Wait, go back, did you see the potatoes in the pan of pot roast? Man, I'd like to taste that right now!” Or, “Ooh, those tomatoes cooked with garlic and brandy, it's making my taste buds horny”. And this is what time will do to a man. It won't take porn away from him, that would be cruel. It simply, through sleight of hand, SHIFTS WHAT THE PORN IS. So now, cooking shows, with tight close-ups, are the porn craving I need. Now if porn producers are smart, they'll begin integrating more cooking with their screwing, those scenes deemed sexiest, whose recipes can be remembered. BRING BACK THE GALLOPING GOURMET!
A child's imagination is the gift God gives them to survive our envy of their childhood, its purity, its anodyne grace and its magical innocence. Even babies are tougher sons of bitches than we know.
Conventional wisdom is for conventional times. And these are so not conventional times. This is the PERFECT time to invent and follow your own wisdom. Just be true.
With our Lord's grace and blessing, any day now, we shall witness the birth of our FRANCESCO MINGUS FRANCONE MAITREYA! We are deeply grateful for your very positive energies during this exciting time. 'We', are not having a baby. My wife, Francesca, is having a baby. I am having a son! My advice to my son, who I speak to through his 'belly button window': “Son, enjoy all of what time you have left in there. Because, later, you can't imagine how much time you will spend, trying to find your way back in...”
…...next time, we will have more ZOOATHALON stories. STAY ALERT AND STAY WELL.
NEXT UP- A SNEAK PREVIEW of the startling new footage filmed by our secret cameras of the border clash at a certain African nation's border crossing between Sandra Bullock's people and MADONNA'S people. You won't want to miss this! We're calling it: THE ADOPTION BABY BEATDOWN!
AND WITH ALL DUE respect to the great fans of THE ORLANDO MAGIC, IT SEEMS that you can get a concussion from DWIGHT HOWARD just by shaking his hand.....
Finally (drum roll please). A man goes into a Japanese restaurant and orders THE MISO SOUP. He finds a fly in it and calls over the waiter to ask about it. The waiter suggests that he ask the fly, since it was the fly in the soup and not the waiter. The man asks the fly, 'Why are you in my soup?' The fly answers, “ 'cause MISO HORNY”.
LOVE YOU LATER, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED (though, some rights have less reservations than others...).
COPYRIGHT SANANDA FRANCESCO MAITREYA