Part One InterView + 
I took the name Sananda about...I kind of officially adopted it
about four years ago now, it was just something that for about a three
year period of time. I witnessed myself become more and more estranged
from the name, people who were familiar with me would call me which would
be, "Terence" or "T" whenever they would refer that or refer to me as
that, increasingly it would take maybe like a few seconds before I realized
that they were actually talking to me.
They were addressing who they assumed I was, and umm it really was just
a matter of having grown beyond a relationship with that identity to the
point where you're a few steps maybe even half a block up the road it
felt the time like this to address the name.
I felt like I had to turn around and look back just to align myself
with the idea that people had of who that person was or supposed to be
and it wasn't anything like, I'm tired of this name, I'm going to move
on to another thing, it wasn't that at all, it was that literally...I
witnessed a growing estrangement with something, it was almost as if I
had reverse amnesia and just, it was just something that became less and
less familiar to who I was, and there was a period of time where there
was no other name so it was like the name that was still used.
And then I had a series of dreams there were three of them where I was
with a group of angels in the dream and they would call out this name
"Sananda" and every time I heard it I would look around and say, "Who's
Sananda?". It sounded really familiar to me from the beginning and I kept
wanting to see who this person was because every time the name was called
it would fill me with a kind of excitement like "Oh yeah yeah yeah, Sananda"
but I'd look around for the person, and the person would never appear
and I would always wake up kind of disappointed from that dream that I
didn't get a chance to see who the angels were calling in the dream and
it was the third dream, where midway through them calling "Sananda" the
light bulb went off on the top of my head.
It was like, "Oh wait a minute, I'm Sananda" and I turned around, because
the angels were always behind me whenever the dream would occur I would
be walking in front of them and I would hear them calling the name out
and I would be looking in front of me expecting that this person would
appear and finally when I had the eureka I turned around to them and they
all had this look like, "Finally he gets it" you know and I remember just
this feeling of having come home to something more formidable and real
and um, before waking up I had asked one of these angels, um, Raphael
"What did it mean", and this was around the third time I had dreamt it,
this was somewhere in October of that year or somewhere around that area
and he said "That you might find it helpful that by the end of the year
before the beginning of the next year take the name" (hmm) and um, you
know you have the normal kind of question lingering in the back of your
mind whether people will think that you are whatever, but luckily that's
never been that big of an issue, but he just assured me that it was something
that by doing so, I would move more into the truth of who I really was
and I knew that he was right.
It was like being reminded of something, um that this is more of a true
eternal identity (inaudible) than the name you took on to get through
this part of your life experience and um I called up all of my friends
and acquaintances I remember um on New Year's Day of that subsequent year
and asked them if they would all begin to address me as Sananda and whatever
amount of time it took for them to get used to it.
I respected that and for those who had a problem with it, I respected
that too, but this is who I am and I'm ready to accept it now, and um
that's what happened and what really took me by surprise was not only
how quickly my friends adopted it, I mean there were a few who still referred
to me behind my back as whatever because that had more caché for them
in their cultural experience and I was willing to understand the humanity
behind that but for the most part they took to it very quickly.
And it also surprised me at how it became even more deeply familiar
it wasn't something that you know I expected something you call yourself
this and you yourself might have to get used to it I got used to it right
away and within three months it literally became who I was completely
and I became who that was and it was just a memory that this is who I
am and Maitreya started to creep in about a year and a half ago where
I realized, "Um, o.k. here comes the next one" and the plan was to have
maybe a two or three album period where, except for the title of the album
itself, or the name on the front of the album, to have all the credits
be, all songs written by Sananda/TTD, or TTD/Sananda whatever to get people
used to it so I could just make the switch, but something occurred to
me one day I had another epiphany where I just realized that that was
not showing enough faith in the truth of who I was and that that was still
somehow an apology and what was the kicker was one day a gentleman at
Capitol said to me that the record that I had made for them had it been
from a new artist they would be laughing all the way to the bank and that
came back to me, 'cause I felt well, "Do I have faith in my...do I really
believe that I need that old identity in order to refamiliarize myself
with those who wish to share my journey?"
And the answer was very clear, only fear suggested that I hang on to
it when it's gone, and um, I had an experience one day where, or one morning.
I was in a room and Raphael came and knocked on the door and we opened
the door and we didn't have to say anything because it was pure telepathical
communication, but what I said to him was, "Raphael, go now and show my
father." And he just nodded in assent, and went away, and I knew that
was what he was going to do.
There is an ancient saying that says, "For a boy to become a man he
must first show his father." And of course, it wasn't following it literally,
I wasn't asking Raphael literally to go and show my father, but I knew
that it meant the ties that bound me to an ancestral identity that no
longer suited my grace it was just time to cut the last of the cords that
bound me, and when I woke up that morning um I had an experience a couple
of hours later in the day, where I can't explain it; literally the remnants
of that identity, I could feel something [an epiphany] I could feel an
actual energy leave and it was under circumstances that were pretty amazing
and stressful but it took that, and it was almost like I had a situation
where I went into a kind of shock that was designed to kind of just, I
don't know, to separate me more from an identity that I was ready let
go of the last vestiges of, and um, it was then that I realized that I
cannot go farther with this, I either believed in the truth of who I am
and why I am here, or I do not.
And to (take?) myself away from previous management obligations and
previous label obligations the great thing was that I had no business
interests trying to persuade me that continuing according to a logic that
they could understand, was in my best interests.
But at the end of the day the beautiful thing about this is I get to
come out as a brand new artist for those who have never heard of it before
to literally, um, I would have died and been reborn completely as something
else and it's only in keeping with the truth that I am living.
And I don't separate my life. My entire life is my career because, I
don't believe that you only way we can affect grace and change in the
world is if we...a certain amount of people have heard about us. We can
affect the greatest change just one person at a time.
I mean even a smile is a much deeper and greater blessing than we know.
A smile that you give to someone could start a chain of events that affects
a hundred people by the end of the week [true], a thousand people by the
end of the month. So, I don't really have any (corded?) off spaces saying
this is my life away from the eye, this is my life in the eye, I mean
I certainly reserve the right to keep certain things my business and no
one else's, but for the most part everything that I do in my life is geared
towards helping to raise the level of vibration of the planet and also,
you know, for those who invite me into their lives to do so, just to remind
them of how much more unique and amazing that they are relative to what
we are led to believe about ourselves.
When you give people your mind, you effectively give them your voice,
and they're going to control it, try to contain it which is why for me
it's paramount to my existence to not let any corporate institution tell
me who I am, therefore try to harness my voice because if you let them
tell it, you work for them and I don't work for nobody. I work with motherfuckers,
but I don't work for nobody. I work for God. Period. Period, period, period.
[He's a good boss]
And then the retirement plan is cool, you know what I mean, so it's
just like...and I don't mean that in a religious sense, because I am not
a religious person, you know, I just mean that regardless of whether it's
through whatever avenue, whether it's through sex, whether it's through
laughing, whether it's through comedy, through exercise, whether it's
through writing, through poetry, through contemplation, through chanting,
through meditation, through whatever, going out to a ballgame, to playing
hoops find your joys find the things that make you feel alive and full
of grace, and keep to them things. The foods that make your tummy yummy,
and just eat them things. Life is my religion, and all of its grand passions,
and its rich, (course?...) No one religion is sufficient enough to hold
my enthusiasm, my curiosity and my grace.
To go back to the earlier question you asked was...from Vibrator it
took me pretty much um, it took me a long time to divest myself from Sony,
it was just...I had been trying to get beyond Sony frankly since before
"Symphony or Damn." There was something that went down with regards to
that project where they kind of came back (...) so I spent years trying
to get off of Sony and they just wouldn't let go so, about two years after
Vibrator came out, I was finally able to (secure?) my release for the
entire Sony situation with the exception of the United Kingdom; who, because
I had signed with Sony from the United Kingdom kind of felt that they
couldn't emotionally let me go, they still believed that he's going to
be around, he's going to do something and we're all going to look bad
by having let him go.
So, I just chose not to fight because that would have probably taken
another couple of years out of my life, and um, the reason why it took
such a great length of time between Vibrator and now, half of it was how
long it took for me to secure my release from Sony, um then I wound up
almost going with another label, then another label showed up said "la
da da da da" and made all of these kind of, you know, promises and things
of that nature, and I went with them because I assumed that they were
willing to be run...they had given a small label to Glen Ballard. I guess
that I assumed that him being a music person I would have an easier way,
but um, my naïveté got in the way of seeing that they expected me to go
through him for what was mine.
Then I made the record, this record that I will be making available,
I pretty much recorded I can't remember now when I started, but it was
pretty much done in '98. I recorded over a nine month period and took
some time off in between to do a project that Glen had asked me to get
involved in, which was a film that he had done, which I thought was really
cool kind of thing to do, and I allowed myself to be taken out of my rhythm
because I also thought that it would be a gesture towards him, but after
I finished the record, Glen waffled quite a bit one moment he really really
loved it and was excited, and then I could actually see the visceral excitement
that he had about it.
And then the next time I'd speak to him he was kind of afraid of it,
maybe because he felt that it needed more of his involvement than it had
or the pressure they were putting on him from the head of Capitol, but
one moment it didn't have any singles, and the next time it had a few
singles but maybe didn't have the first single and it was just all this
stuff, and I do have respect for the pressure that they were putting on
him, they were just putting so much crazy pressure on him, and that much
(fear?) energy around you, it's really the most potent mojo killer that
you're ever going to run into.
The level of fear that exists in this industry is pretty much why the
originality, or the individuality is squeezed out of everything. It is
almost an accident of nature if something comes out which is really exciting
because of its uniqueness. So, you know, he really did the best he could
on one level because he kind of felt at one point that his main function
for me was to act as a buffer between myself and the corporate structure
of Capitol. But at the end of the day, they wanted me to make a record
that was a Glen Ballard record with me singing on it.
He's a very talented guy and a real cool guy as a person, when I was
dreaming of my dreams and daydreams at school growing up making my own
way in the world I really didn't envision that I would be the frontman
for somebody else's vision. So, basically after...it was like a six month
hold out and they wouldn't even like let me go and mix the record and
it was like, "You are going to bend to our will." And I'm like, "No, no
I'm not." I believed in my vision, if nobody else believes in it that's
still not going to shake my faith that who I am is sufficient as anyone
else is. Everybody is a unique aspect of Creator and if they choose not
to believe that, they choose to give their power away and they're constantly
being invited to others who presume to know better than us what is for
us (?) but not this guy, because I know who I am, and I know why I am
here.
To paraphrase Walt Whitman, who said that "I know that I am this robust
being that I am (...?)" When you know who you are you're just not as easily
motivated to let other people try to shake you down and I'm just not going
to become a corporate artist, that's not who I am. If I just wanted to
be rich, that would be a whole different scenario, but you know the thing
is that, as clichŽd as it sounds, I don't know how to lie.
Artists, if you think about it, whether they tell lies in other parts
of their lives I don't know, but an artist, a person who feels themselves
in art as their calling, art is a healer and healers have different ways
of going about healing. Some heal through herbs, some heal through crystals,
some heal through medicine, some heal through sound, and some heal through
putting their hands on you and doing this or that, there are a multiplicity
of ways that Creator can affect change, and um, I just know that I can't
lie, I tell the truth, or I don't open my mouth.
I just don't see that my mother went through the pains of childlabor
thirty-nine years ago so that I could start lying about who I was suit
to my smaller vision or lesser vision of who I am, that just doesn't make
any sense to me and I do believe that I take very seriously the gift that
Creator has loaned me while I am here on earth to do what I'm here to
do, and I feel that I am the guardian of something, and to whom much is
given, much is required and I take that very seriously.
I made an oath that I would not let them shake me down, I would not
let these Philistines shake me down and keep me from doing what I'm here
to do, and whether fifty thousand people hear it, or fifty million people
hear it, I'm going to tell the truth, and it'll hit the people that it's
supposed to hit and objectively I look at this thing with Java, and I'm
really grateful, you know, when I look at it objectively I'm really grateful
for every thing that Sony and Capitol put me through, because it brought
me more clearly back to the truth of who I was and just stop this fucking
apologizing for it.
Somehow if you're not careful, you wind up apologizing for your shit,
"Well I'm kind of sorry that I'm not the artist that you kind of think
that I should be but..." You know what? I'm tired of that. That does not
stick well with my grace or anyone else's. And it's just that at the end
of the day, I don't believe that when the blueprint for humanity was hatched
in the halls of Providence, that part of the blueprint was that we walk
around apologizing for who we are. We are giants. You know just bend over
and put your back out stooping conquered and that's fine, but not me,
no more because it just costs you too much at the end of the day.
They really helped me realize that I ain't got a damn thing to apologize
for, nobody does, but I can't be responsible for anybody else's apologizing,
but I can be responsible for me no more... here thank you for the experience.
And as a result of that being in limbo and still, you know, having now
a whole new music that has come to me in the meantime, it just seems perfect
that I give this away now, and make that sacrifice to use it literally
like an act of sacrifice that I'm willing to make for, not only, kind
of cleanse that last period, but also kind of as a way to honor the being
that Terence Trent D'Arby was.
So, I'm really excited, and I'm really grateful that I'm in a psychological
frame of mind and emotional space of such confidence knowing that that
spirit will always provide for any of us who are just willing to remember
what it's really about, it ain't about apologizing, it's about upholding
the truth of your claim and inspiring others to do the same, and I'm really
excited.
We say my music, we say, "Do you like my music," but once it comes through
me man...it only stops through me temporarily, really, this is the public's
music, unless I have some greater (?) epiphany, I don't plan to like make
everything available for free (you have to make a living still), but the
bottom line is that you know, I'm excited that I'm able to give people
something back, I feel like just to reward them for their patience and
their support, a., and um just that at the end of the day this belongs
to the people, now the people can say, o.k. I want to pay for this, I
don't want to pay for this, but it all belongs to the people, you know,
all inspiration belongs to the people.
But make sure they understand, that from the depth of my heart, and
my heart is huge and very spacious, from the depth of my heart, I really...I
love them. I came back to them man, I mean people...you gotta keep coming
back(?), that's all some mind control bullshit.
Every religion has some of it that's been infiltrated in its system
to control the people, every religion has its idea of original sin that
somehow perpetuates the idea that who you are is not sufficient unto its
own grace, or you are broken and fucked up and you gotta keep pluggin
away at something until you prove something to some remote distant deity,
that's bullshit.
And I just want people to know that I know why I'm here I know who I
am and I know why I'm here and I'm here to serve people's grace, I'm here
to serve people's highest idea of who they are, because that's what I'm
about, that's why I'm here, not to be playing some song and dance just
to be taking their fucking money, and I gotta sleep tonight knowing that
whatever I charge them, they felt like it was a bargain, because what
they get in return is somebody who thinks so highly of them that he would
not even deign to assume...this whole bullshit about lowest common denominator,
I don't work on the lowest common denominator, and that I know that I'm
here to serve their highest idea and reflect that and just to encourage
(?) just keep your chin up, you are so much more vast than you are encouraged
to believe you are, and nothing will separate me from that goal, not even
at gunpoint would I walk away from taking every ounce of breath I have
and making sure that I use this voice that I have been given, to make
sure people understand that there is something beyond our understanding
that is so vast, that loves us so fucking much that wishes for us the
highest possible experience that we can dare to dream and imagine, as
Goethe says, and I quote him because he's just one of my boys, "Be bold,
and the mighty forces will come to your aid."
And I believe that I believe that I know that it's true and that's why
I'm here, I'm here to do my part like Goethe did his part, like others
are here to do their part to say that there is a force that we represent
and reflect that loves you beyond words, and cut all of this low self-esteem
bullshit out, heal yourself do what is necessary to heal your self-esteem
and you see yourself in the highest possible way you can, and don't let
people be fucking with about your head's too big, there's no fucking way
that your ego can be any bigger than the truth of who you are anyway (that's
cool) and that's just a fact. And ask yourself this question, why would
Creator have a lesser opinion of you than you have of yourself?
And that's why, if I've got to wait five more years, I'm not going to
put out no bullshit and disrespect people's true grace and so with that
in mind I'm giving this to the people because this is who I was three
years ago and hopefully they will be willing to consider me in their heart,
you know, when I come out with this next project sometime at the end of
the year.
© 2001 Sananda & Smak
Transcribed by Benjamin Westerhoff
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