Writings: Written for the mermaids and water lilly's...

Written for the mermaids and water lilly's, the earthworms, sky children, fire benders, suppliers of helium for balloons, and to my crew, Luther Means, Victor Spoils, Buck Wild, and Early Mann (formerly known as Earl E. Mann. He changed his name so as not to be mistaken for Thomas Mann or Early Mornings). May your summer be blessed with more Fahrenheit, than lows. Also dedicated to schoolteachers and their apologist's.

 


 

THE MISSING LINK IS ALWAYS A LEAP OF FAITH.

 


 

By our own mandate, the truth is what turns us on. What RESONATES is what is righteous.

 


 

The greater blasphemy is holding judgment against ourselves for our essential human nature. God, is a big boy and can handle our blasphemy, we ourselves have proven less capable. And most of our illnesses are deep judgments we hold against our being who we are, and how and what we had to be to get through.

 


 

You can only TURN THE OTHER CHEEK so many times before you begin turning your back on yourself. And turning your back on yourself creates your own worst enemy. An enemy who is also a coward. Trust that Only Pennies Fall, the big coins never leave your hand.

 


 

The CARPENTER will tell you that it is not the size of the hammer, but how hard it is. And how well it is aimed. Our waters rise when our doubts persist. And too much introspection tempts long depression. Contemplation is not static. Worry it no longer than you need to, and then move with the tides as it rolls beyond the sands.

 


 

DEPRESSION can also perambulate, when your religion gets stuck too deep in your mind, and not deep enough in your heart. The better it is to FEEL your religion and not think too much about it. Unless of course, you are getting PAID to think too much about it.

 


 

Your mother (bless her heart), is so fat, she performed a lap dance on your father, and he had to get a hip replacement.

 


 

Things, in and of themselves, do not hurt us. Our measures do. The more we know of ourselves, the less confusing the rest of it is.

 


 

…... though, whatever your measures, do know that LIFE IS HABIT FORMING by its nature, by its very design, and that there is no other way around it but through it.

 


 

And the good news is that STUPIDITY does tend to police itself in time. As does corruption, which like time, at some point, folds back in on itself. And we all know stupidity like a close cousin, or we would not be here where we are now.

 


 

Your brothers feet are so big, he uses a tire iron as a shoehorn. He thought that a shoehorn was a cool new feature on NIKE's AIR JORDAN'S (Honk, Honk, I'm about to Dunk)!

 


 

They only label you a TROUBLEMAKER when you start asking the right questions.

 


 

Two of the great unsung CIVIL RIGHTS heroes of American history are ELVIS PRESLEY and CHUCK BERRY. They weren't trying to be, they just were. Chuck, the poet who gave rock its HOMER, vocabulary and mind, and Elvis, the rocket who gave rock its heart, shook a leg, and spread it all over the world like cream. They helped to integrate more honesty into our nascent nation. And helped us to confront our fears. America is a nation they helped create.

 


 

THE LORD GIVETH and the English taketh away.

 


 

And in trying hard to think of the last 'American' film I've seen without a British cast member, I realized I'd be up all night and went to sleep instead.

 


 

My main concern as it pertains to IMMIGRATION, is that while we are being distracted by the Mexicans, it is the CANADIANS who are planning to rush our borders while we are looking the other way. My theory is that the Mexicans are working with the Canadians and that they will divide the spoils later.

 


 

Sometimes our worries bear fruit. The lotus grows best from pools of despair.

 


 

Our good friend, DAMORDA MERRIER, of the heavy metal punk polka group, LITMUS TESTICLE, once told me these tales, as we RETURN TO ZOOATHALON: Although the Horse Whisperer might be more glamorous and acclaimed, only the farmer knows the true value of, THE CHICKEN WHISPERER! And only the Chicken Whisperer knows what a boon companion he is to chickens, farm wide and throughout the counties, who have forgotten how to be chickens, and couldn't get their 'chicken' on. When egg production were down, when hens got spooked, the chicken whisperer knew the right words to intone, to get the hens back in their groove and the farmer whistling. And when the roosters missed a few mornings, the whisperer gave them a mantra, urging them on as sentinels for the break of daylight. Only the whisperer knows that the chicken's favorite composer is BACH ('Bach', 'Bach'), and that their favorite actor is Gregory PECK, or that their favorite Beatles song is, 'GET BACH' (To Where You Once Belonged). So while the Horse Whisperer might have films made of his charming life, the CHICKEN WHISPERER takes comfort in his value to the farm, which takes precedence over fame. For they who whisper at chickens, whisper into the ear of the world, as it spins beyond the cornstalks and fields of grain.

 


 

A certain town in ZOOATHALON announced that in order to soften the rural town's image, it would forego the training of police dogs and begin training; POLICE COWS! They would be carefully selected and trained for the strenuous life of police officers. They would not replace horses in the force, but the dogs, who had lost favor in opinion polls, after having sued the town council. This following a prolonged strike by the canines over a much debated 'burial tax'. The volunteer cows will be taught how to disperse crowds, and some will be especially trained to sniff out bombs and other voluble materials. There have also been rumors circulating concerning SPECIAL OPERATIONS POLICE COWS which might involve telepathic mind control exercises designed to gather sensitive information. Though no confirmation has been received regarding this.

 


 

Which brings us back to our dear friend, ELEPHANTS GERALD, who claims that her sympathy goes out most to the SALMON WHISPERERS, who often have to shout themselves hoarse while trying to get the attention of the salmon swimming in the water. An even bigger obstacle is whispering, wearing scuba gear and trying to swim upstream. She claims it is even tougher than being a Goat Whisperer.

 


 

Which brings us to the TURTLE, of the giant GALAPAGOS clan, who by working out and dedicating himself to the task with vigor, now leases out his services as a SPEED BUMP for hire. He gets a lot of work in front of schools.

 


 

Your brother is so divisive, they made him a lumberjack, and he immediately formed a splinter group.

 


 

Be careful what you aim to control. If you do not control what you are obsessed with controlling, then by default, it is controlling you.

 


 

MURPHY'S LAWYER SPEAKS: Momentum travels lightly, when it travels best.

 


 

WAIT, YOUR MOTHER AGAIN? Your mom is so old, in high school, she dated EARLY MAN!

 


 

WOODY: Did you ever play football Nate?
LATE NIGHT NATE, our resident night owl: Yes.
WOODY: What position?
LATE NIGHT NATE: I played hunchback for NOTRE DAME.

 


 

(this space reserved for your groan).

 


 

Having turned 50, I hope to turn 51. That's about as much wisdom as I've gotten from it so far.

 


 

ZEN CONUNDRUM AND BASS: If nature abhors a vacuum, then what happens if a black hole swallows your vacuum cleaner?

 


 

Don't forget that when you CLAIM POVERTY, you keep it closer to you.

 


 

The only true freedom is in being true to who you know you are and dare to be.
There are no odds to defy, only your self opinion.

 


 

Trust your own way. One man claims that 2+2=4. Another man just as vociferously claims that 2+2= 22. And both would be correct.

 


 

When Madame WHITNEY died, an atomic clock which I've kept in my library for over a decade, and which was designed to not need normal maintenance, suddenly and inexplicably went off and began wildly blinking. Even when trying to turn it off, it kept freaking out, so we left it. It were not until the next day that I found out that the great diva had passed on, at roughly the same time as my clock went out.

 


 

Whether or not the end comes in this 2012 as stated by the Mayans, you've got to admit that it was a hell of a clever way to sell more Mayan calendars! I myself used to use a FRED FLINTSTONE calendar, according to which, the world ended when the original show got cancelled.

 


 

…..besides, I am closer to the AZTECS. I once fell in love with an AZTEC Priestess. Luckily for us both, I was an Ass Technician.

 


 

Generally, it can be said that WE DESERVE WHAT WE GET, until we realize that we don't.

 


 

Overheard in an airport terminal, 'Honey, you are so far up on the top of my list, that I have to stand on my tip toes to read it'. And you can't make these things up (unless you can make these things up).

 


 

All is not well in paradise, apparently, according to reports, one of the cows being trained by the police, escaped from training and is on the hoof. This RENEGADE POLICE COW is not armed, but is considered extremely dangerous.

 


 

Only half of a good story is written, the other half is implied. What is shadowed between the lines, is as important as what is written on the page.

 


 

I ran into the RENEGADE POLICE COW, only because we were both looking for grass. He tells his story thus: “SENATORS WALK TO WORK IN THE SUN, BUT WHEN IT RAINS, THEY RIDE THE GRAVY TRAIN. They tried to train me to use my brain, for mind control operations. If I don't run, I'm between two burger buns, charbroiled and well done, and given nothing for my pains, or my future generations. They didn't know that I had a nervous condition, but YOU would know if you could switch positions. They are blaming me for some 'incident', but I don't know what they are talking about. I am a lover, I am NOT a warrior. Anything else, you can talk to my lawyer.

 


 

THE RENEGADE POLICE COW'S LAWYER: Listen, you better believe that we are going to sue the police department up to their eyeballs! All the way up to the brim of their blue hats! Cows are a beloved breed, just ask your local butcher! How can you manipulate cow's telekinetic powers according to a law enforcement agenda and not expect disaster? Do you know how sensitive cows are? Incredibly sensitive my friend, that's how sensitive! As sensitive and intelligent as elephants! And elephants don't make cheese. My name, you ask? My name is LUTHER MEANS, and trust me, my friend, LUTHER MEANS BUSINESS!

 


 

Next in our SING SONG series of world leaders discussing their favorite hotels; (Russia's Vladimir) PUTIN ON THE RITZ!
Let's all sing shall we? Da da da, da da da da, da da da, da da da da, da da da da da, Putin on the Ritz!

 


 

And next in our LIBRERIA DYSLEXIA series, these releases! A re-mastered version of the Beatles classic 'WHEN I'M 46', and a restored version of Alfred Hitchcock's early film masterpiece, 'THE 93 PETS'. There is also available Elvis Presley's, 'You Ain't Button Another Down Hog'. And YES, we DO have limited edition copies of the bootlegged X rated version of Truman Capote's, 'TIT FEST AT BRITNEY'S'! And don't forget that you got it from your understanding friends at LIBRERIA DYSLEXIA! (and there are still copies of Charles DICKENS' 'A Sale of Two Titties'). LibreriaDyslexia.Org !

 


 

Remember that you can always squash a tomato in a book when you want to ketchup on some reading. Later you can use the squash to make soup.

 


 

Never trust a man selling used halos.

 


 

And asked in a cafe what her favorite TEAS were, the kindly, mature matron replied, “THE 60'S, DEAR, THE 60'S.”

 


 

Governments often work as TRAFFIC COPS FOR INTELLECTUAL PROGRESS and to slow down those who are willing to think for themselves.

 


 

Too many gurus are mind control agents. Beware of those who would liberate you from one group, only to assume control of you themselves.

 


 

We find in youth a convenient place from which to stand and meditate on our IMMORTALITY and what it means. Maturity finds the focus shifting our meditation towards our mortality, and what IT means. We don't really get much older, we just get more tired. And then we call it 'aging'.

 


 

I've really got to replace my clapper system, which is now so old, when I clap to turn on the lights, a midget comes out holding a candle.

 


 

A resident magician of the ZOOATHALON, knew that it was time to begin looking into retirement when he attempted to pull a rabbit out of his hat, and instead got pulled into the hat by the rabbit, all the way through into the rabbit's magic show in a parallel universe. He might've thought to market this, but he got roughed up pretty bad each time he got pulled through the hat by the rabbit. MORAL? Some days you pull the rabbit out of your hat, some days the rabbit pulls you out of his. Welcome to Zooathalon (where anything goes, if you are wearing the right shoes)!

 


 

Whether it is a greater indictment on the deterioration of my mind or of television, at current my favorite TV channel is BABYTV. It not only calms my son, it calms me. The colors are so psychedelic and vivid, and the designers are clever, imaginative and engaging, as the science of keeping a child's attention is about the same as maintaining an adult's, one might suppose. BABYTV is playful, simple, direct and pretty much apolitical in that it seems to have no social axe to grind. Go to BABYTV.COM . I have no vested interest in their channel, I just think they do a wonderful job and myself and son enjoy it. And I never undermine anything that can keep my attention for more than a few seconds at a time, or anything that brings me and my boy together.

 


 

…..speaking of which, if you are a baby, then you could do a WHOLE LOT WORSE, than to be a baby in ITALY, where babies are treated like rock stars. Like little Chinese emperors, like Roman senators of old. The whole of the country and culture is like a giant day care center, cooing adoringly and approvingly of the 'bambinos', as if Italy were the epicenter of infant consciousness and its endless delights. Headquarters for CHERUBS. Babies get loved up and coddled like cashmere, mothers made to feel vital, fathers induced to pride. They GET babies in Italy, and babies swim in it like they are floating downstream into quiet watersheds. And they are not begrudged. ITALIANS are master FLIRTS, because it starts early in their infancy, being flirted WITH, complimented, made to feel as special as the stars. As welcome as rain on a hot tin roof.

 


 

My son, is already quite fond of the ladies and is a TITTY TOUCHER! AND, chicks really dig it and the innocence behind it! I try to remind him how lucky he is, since the days are rapidly dwindling where he will be able to get away with it, so to enjoy the thrill while it lasts, and before he is expected to pay for the privilege, or to marry her. It is as if he knows that his window of titty touching, nipple brushing opportunity is not open forever. But then again, we all know how quick European ladies are to whip their titties out, at very little instigation.

 


 

The best SOUPS, like the sea, bring the seashore that much closer to your doorstep. A great soup is the wellspring of simplicity and health and a blessing to all diets.

 


 

The more real a science is, the less it has to be explained. What is self evident is the foundation on which all truth is based. The more explanation, the more debate.

 


 

It takes a woman, and not a man, to teach a man how to love a woman. A man can only add perspective. And when in doubt, just add water.

 


 

Every space has a memory if it has walls to contain them. Spaces are not so much haunted, as they are full of memory. IMPRESSIONS can be lasting. Just ask the late great CURTIS MAYFIELD!

 


 

The difference between CHEAP and COST EFFECTIVE, 
is that a dead horse is cheap.
Though not very cost effective unless you eat the meat.

 


 

The only difference between a GENIUS and a FOOL, is that the genius is making money for someone, the fool is not. Where you aim your idea is as important as the idea itself.

 


 

Can someone in that euphonious land of euphemisms, Sports broadcasting, explain to me the real difference between, CONCUSSION 'LIKE' SYMPTOMS and 'Concussion? What are 'concussion like' symptoms if not Symptoms of Concussion? It sounds like lawyer speak. IS dude or IS NOT dude concussed? Is one not allowed to call a spade, a spade anymore? SWIFT RHETORICAL ANSWER: NO! Because the spades now have a really litigious law firm representing them, and a LOT of money behind them. That be the response I got when I asked my lawyers at the firm of PROCTOR, GAMBLE & HUFF.

 


 

If I wore a hat, it would have to be taken off to the pioneering artist, ANI Di FRANCO. It were she who, being watched from afar, taught me the essential difference between getting paid, and MAKING MONEY. During her independent forays into her music, we doubt very seriously whether she were getting paid the 'upfront bait', but she was for sure, MAKING MONEY and encouraging dickheads such the likes as me. I am not a greedy man, I am a hungry one, my greed is sufficient unto the day's harvest. And she were a model of SELF RELIANCE. She is a great American artist and an innovator in music and business to whom we owe a lot. Were I to have a hat on, it would be a BORSALINO, hopefully as rakish and convincing as Leonard Cohen's.

 


 

The Secrets of my Sexual Success, Vol.2: Buy a stereo system. Purchase also a BASS AMPLIFIER, and then set it underneath your bed's mattress on the floor, preferably touching the mattress, and set the 'woofer' to high (or loud), so that when you play music in your bedroom, the bed literally VIBRATES with lower bass tones that massage the body. Then just add a TEDDY PENDERGRASS or PHILADELPHIA INTERNATIONAL record, and voila, instant orgasms (you might also want to pay attention to hers)! Reggae music will also suffice quite well, if not LED ZEPPELIN, or T-REX. And know in general that when you are listening to JOHN LEE HOOKER, you are eavesdropping on the very pulse of the earth itself. No less an authority than grand master MILES DAVIS considered JLH, the 'funkiest man who ever lived'.

 


 

LATE NIGHT NATE, THE OWL: What's wrong Woody, my friend, can't you get any sleep?
WOODY, ZOOATHALON'S RESIDENT WOODPECKER (the OTHER Woody, not the registered one): I thought I saw a glimmer of hope, but it turned out to be just a firefly caught in a mosquito net!
NATE: Is that what's bothering you?
WOODY: No, I'm being kept awake thinking about the RENEGADE POLICE COW. Do you think he did it?
NATE: Did what?
WOODY: Caused 'the incident'.
NATE: The incident they should be looking into, is who had the dumb idea to turn cows into police officers in the first place. Who would think of something like that? Why not just keep the dogs?
WOODY: The dogs were ruining the town's image, the dogs had gone on strike, one thing lead to the next. Now dogs out, cows in.
NATE: Then why not us owls? We are pretty well known for our detective work. 
WOODY: Yeah, but you got to admit that a Renegade Police Cow, on the 'lamb', sounds a lot funnier, you can get more jokes out of a cow on the run. And can't you just see them with those police hats and bullet proof vests? So do you think he did it or not?
NATE: Look, it was probably invented to sell more newspapers. Come to your senses man! Who ever heard of a police cow? That's 'UDDERLY' insane. Grab my other tit and milk it some more! Are we now that gullible that we are to believe that men have trained cows for police work? Horses of course, and if you have a horse, then of course, you know how coarse your horse is. But cows, I just don't see it, being trained for special forces.
WOODY: Yeah, but if he can control things with his mind, what if he can control my thoughts and dreams?
NATE: Then he must be controlling you now, because you sound like an idiot. Go to sleep.
WOODY (in a voice warbling and trembling as if overcome by an invasive spirit):

“MOOOOOOOOO! Here I am, talking to YOOOOOU! 
Excuse my intrusion, this broadcast is not an illusion, and your confusion
is a secret kept. I walk through darkness with feet lit up by lamps,
when I want to be heard, I just turn up my amps, to sublimate the skeptic
in your mental stew. I push the envelope, YOU lick the stamps.
THE INCIDENT, were not my intent. I were simply the cow the government sent.
Notwithstanding, my mind goes blank, when things get too demanding, my brain gets cramped. Though I was the last cow standing. 
And despite the report, I were NOT hell bent.
If nothing else, TEMPTATION helps to expand our idea of who we are. 
The most accessible higher power we have access to is our common sense, 
our star, which melts what it can abide. And stirs within what it must lament.
Indeed does every COIN have 2 SIDES, until it is time to spend it.
I saw your mother at the break of dawn, though I wouldn't recommend it.
AND TERRIBLE WAS HE WHO STEPPED
inside my dream world as I slept. That bumbling 
steward who wept and paid his debt to time, while I fumbled 
with worthy rhymes to take his mind away. 
His caravan of comely maidens swept away my lidded eyes, 
to one I told one day, boldly jerking back my stranglehold, 
(for in breaking silence, I break the mold)
'You are my taciturn rose, I'd sweat on you like a garden hose, 
I 'd like to see you wearing my clothes, though heaven knows, 
I like the pose you now suppose, diaphanous gingerbread girl.
I'd like to see you bathe in waterfalls, that fall from the mountains' nose.'
And then I leapt, into a manual depth I now navigate, which by surprise no longer 
eluded me. Annually, the fact of it included me, enunciated,
though I was deluded when out of my 
slippers he crept and left me disconsolate,
and my blood on the rise.
Footprints in phosphorus, bacterium grows, well prized, atoned.
HAIL the infants for whom CUPID'S JAVELIN HURLS! 
An oyster shell I kept stimulated, which measured its height by what it loves,
and its weight in precious stones and pearls.
I take off my gloves, and
I PAY MY TAX TO THE EARLS.
THE REST I LEAVE TO MY SWEETEST GIRLS
for their tenderness and their perils, and the tears already cried,
even the ones yet realized. 
IF THEY SIT ON TOP OF THEIR FEELINGS,
THEY SIT ON TOP OF THE WORLD. 
And the earth must spin!
I see them holding back a sigh,
as down their faces it slides and settles on their braces.
And what cannot be hidden well, finds comfort where the lace is.
Or anywhere the fabric bends to conceal a ransom's alibi.
('Sweetest' I said, not 'Swedish', though if the Swedish come, 
bring their fetish, there is always fresh mayonnaise to slap upon 
the lettuce!) Besides, I mustn't be defeatist.
And rooted in these feats, these sunken
heralds are gifts I accept. I collect them as treats.
YOU see them as bribes. I see them as tribute paid to the tribes.
Bring them in barrels! 
As for the men, there are few enough Henry's
and far too many Harold's. My friends, ADAPT!
(face the facts or get your face slapped)
THE RENEGADE POLICE COW STRIKES AGAIN!
I WILL APPEAR TO YOU WHEN I AM BIGGER IN FINLAND.
Keep your attention rapt! And your third eye on the sparrow.
Remember; I CAN ALWAYS GET THE CHARGES DROPPED.
Straight are the gates whose straits are narrow and from its
roots, the trees gain comprehension, and wear bigger boots,
digging into the earth like marrow, rubbing caution into the breeze. 
Both me and the butcher agree, (and the candlesticks not to mention)
THE LESS EVIL WE ARE, THE LESS EVIL WE SEE
(said the baker who kneads his dough while singing carols, 
and humming fresh invention, while improvising joy
and memorizing sorrows). 
So, from this closing whisper I extend to you; 
IT IS NOT THE FOOD THAT KILLS, but the menu.
So don't let it send you.
Now be aware that I CONTROL YOUR MIND, and that in future
I may continue. 
Don't ask; 'HOW?' Just know;
RENEGADE POLICE COW!”

…..and when WOODY and LATE NIGHT NATE awaken, they will have no memory of this.
They will recall nothing except for the mind controlled password, BIGGER IN FINLAND. The Renegade Police Cow strikes again. Welcome to ZOOATHALON!

 


 

Our genetic code is a living language. NATURE and NURTURE. They collaborate well together.

 


 

The black community worldwide are not allowed leaders. They are allowed 'spokesmen'. There is a difference. And they are not speaking for 'us', but on behalf of the system's view of 'us', and how it shall hold. And if the 'spokesman' isn't enough, they get a dictator. And a mean military, or meaner gangs in their neighborhoods. History repeatedly shows that the MAN only promotes us according to how he wishes us to remain. The same applies to women. If successful in promoting yourself beyond his narrow image, you become his enemy.

 


 

These writings are dedicated to master ANGELO DUNDEE, who taught warriors how to fight like champions and nurtured some of the greatest talent in the history of world sport. Everybody wanted a father or uncle like DUNDEE, who took legends, and made men of them. And it is easier to take men and turn them into legends, than it is to turn myths and legends into men. May his soul rest in the peace he has earned.

 


 

The point isn't in drinking yourself into an early grave. It can happen. The point is in not drinking yourself into a shallow one. At least make sure that your grave is deep.

 


 

BAD TASTE THEATER: (comedian booked to entertain elderly holocaust survivors), OK, how many of you were in the camps? Let us see a SHOAH hands!

 


 

What we tend to describe as INTELLIGENCE is simply a matter of INTEREST. We are all as smart as a whip IF interested, if not, we can be as dumb as doorknobs.

 


 

A spokesperson for THE DOORKNOB COUNCIL REPLIES: “We really resent this inference that somehow doorknobs are not intellectual. Screw you! Unless you plan to live in the 'Last Chance Saloon' forever and PUSH the door open, we are the offspring of a good idea or we wouldn't be here. Dissenters from this can all go and politically correct themselves! Doorknobs are no longer going to be pushed around. We are not morons. As for that smear about us spreading germs, WE don't spread the germs, YOU spread the germs!”

 


 

MURPHY'S LAWYER SAYS: It is when you are NOT interested in something that they offer it to you. If you ARE interested, the advantage belongs to them and they've got you by the balls.

 


 

THERE IS ALWAYS A FUTURE ahead of you for as long as you are willing to see it.
Keep your mind ahead of you and a vision of life unfolds. As cautious as you demand, as bold as you dare.

 


 

The main difference between a WINO and a CONNOISSEUR is usually just the PRICE of the bottle.

 


 

Whatever intellectual curiosity I had as a youth concerning COMMUNISM dissipated upon discovering that MARXISM had nothing at all to do with GROUCHO or HARPO. Around the same time, I discovered that LENINISM had nothing to do with McCartney or the Beatles. Tricky sons of bitches, those commies.

 


 

The real AMERICAN is a threat to our current image of ourselves. And in the absence of 'The American', we wander around in darkness, being measured and pinched by thieves.
A TRUE AMERICAN does not allow his vision of America to be thrust upon him. He lives it as he sees it, a native right by instinct. THE AMERICAN DREAM follows the blueprint of how we see ourselves.

 


 

Talk may be cheap, but the taxes on it are even greater. The more words, the more excuses.

 


 

…..and scratching his head, SAMSON knew that THAT was the last time he would ever ask DELILAH, or any other woman for a head massage. Meanwhile he went back to work on his idea for sturdy travel luggage.

 


 

ONE definition of a MIRACLE, is getting what you asked for sooner than expected.
OR, getting what you expected, sooner than you asked for it.

 


 

NOTE TO PLAYERS:
If you notice a woman's age too much when making love to her, then you are not making love to her, but to yourself. The point is to be LOST IN THE ACT ITSELF. Your goal is to BRING HER BACK TO HER YOUTH, which is always available, even if we travel first by imagination to arrive at it. Otherwise, let a real player have a go at it. Disappointment affects age more than time does.

 


 

CONTROVERSIAL STATEMENT # 88C- Were Jesus a young man returned to earth going about his business, he might seriously consider working in a bar. A bartender hears many a man or woman's true confession. Unless JESUS were in a mood to judge those who reveal the extent of their pain and who at times find solace, or an olive in a glass. BLOODY MARY'S anyone? Can't you just see the little plastic crucifix swizzle sticks? (I know that I am playing with fire, but it counteracts my hands always being wet). The first requirement of any MESSIAH willing to die for your sins, is a very strong sense of humor. All the more so, if you are Jewish. And one thing that ALL theologians can agree on; were Jesus still alive today, he would be very, very old.

 


 

I were warned as a younger artist to 'stay away from religion'. Which is fine, except that they forgot to tell religion to stay away from me.

 


 

IF YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO SAVE MONEY TO GAMBLE, THEN DON'T! Gamble with your faith instead. HABITS ARE NOT BAD (life IS habit forming), bad habits that do not work out for you and cause you and your family pain are bad. The father loves his vines, he just doesn't want them choking his grapes. CASINO'S are both for the lucky AND for those who wish to pay penance.

 


 

If you are going to jump in, then jump in with both feet. Clinging to the side of the ship will still find you wet. Be all the way inside the boat, or step aside for other sailors.

 


 

LIFE'S LESSONS LEARNED, CHAPTER 6: Sometimes it is better to be silent, than to be right. Especially when you need to get paid.

 


 

Dedicated to my good friend, EARLY MANN! As well as to his sisters Leslie and Anita.

 


 

And finally, RENEGADE POLICE COW says: THE FAMILY THAT SINGS TOGETHER, has less time to argue.

 


 

HAPPY EASTER, to all my chickens and rabbits! By far the toughest thing about resurrection, is all the paperwork afterwards (all those forms to fill out). And happy birthday to one of my heroes, ENEA BARDI.


 

COPYRIGHT SANANDA FRANCESCO MAITREYA 
MILANO 6thth APRIL 2012
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 
(and a few wrongs as well)

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PS …And a very happy birthday to a cultural hero, great country master MERLE HAGGARD! And a shout out of respects to master actor, BILLY DEE WILLIAMS. Long may you live on!