Writings: Dear Verushkas and various Sams
Dear Verushkas and various Sams,
As you may know even Moses had to work with the medium of his time and there were more commandments written than could be fit onto two bricks. (he hadn't yet proven that he could sell two bricks worth of material let alone three bricks). Originally there were around 20 or so, they have recently been rediscovered by archaeologists who were looking for fossilized dinosaur dung. As far as the best translations can ascertain these are the other edited out commandments:
11. Thou shalt leave my stuff alone that I keep placed by my favourite rock. I am tired of always coming back down from the mountain, tired and sweaty only to find my loincloth missing and my beef jerky disturbed. Leave my stuff alone, I mean it!
12. Ali and his cousin Earl shall handle all foreign currency exchanges
13. No one else who comes down from a mountain proclaiming to have been spoken to by a burning bush or any other mountainous vegetation shall supersede in authority these writings. I was first.
14. Homosexuals shall too now be obliged to circumcise themselves just like the rest of us and leave the piercings alone.
14b. Golden Calf piercings is hereby closed
15. Ali and his cousin Earl are also hereby my legal representation.
16. All sacred whores now come fully under my jurisdiction. Any arguments, speak to God.
17. If you are going to smoke, grow your own and leave my burning bush alone.
18. I'm not suggesting that you build a statue to me or anything because technically according to the 'burning bush' I can't. But if you decide to anyway, it better be as good as Abrahams.
19. All Rods must pass through my Rod certification program, which therefore makes me THE ROD STEWARD…
20. Thou shalt not be able to use specifically the phrase 'thou shalt not' to begin any proclamation. You may use 'thou shall' or 'thou can't' but hereinafter the usage of 'thou shalt' or its variant 'thou shalt not' is trademarked and copyrighted by me, Moses.
21. I GET COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE ARMY !
22. All publishing inquiries shalt be directed to Ali and Earl Publishing.
COPYRIGHT SANANDA MAITREYA
MILANO 10th JANUARY 2006
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
INTELLECTUAL COPYRIGHT PROTECTED